I’m am angsty child of the 80s, so I grew up loving Spider-Man. He was my favorite superhero because he didn’t ask for his powers, but he chose to heed Uncle Ben’s advice, a creed I too live by to this day:
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
—Uncle Ben
The ultimate D/s [Dom(me)/sub] advice.
I don’t want to brag, but I owned a copy of the original comic signed by Spidey himself. Not an actor, the real Spider-Man (prove me wrong).
So needless to say, I enjoyed watching Sam Raimi’s interpretation in the first film which came out in 2002 starring Tobey Maguire.
Fast forward about 20 years.
I’m with a date sitting at my favorite matcha cafe in Santa Monica. The guy was still reeling from a rough breakup so it was evident that, despite great chemistry and many lifestyle compatibilities between us, the timing wasn’t optimal and thus, this second date would likely be our last.
FUN FACT: I firmly agree with love and dating coach Matthew Hussey that there is no “right person, wrong time.” Timing is a huge part of compatibility so — if the timing ain’t right, they’re not the right person.
As I was sitting there doing my best to be a supportive human being sharing space with another human being who was having a hard time—while simultaneously trying to navigate my own disappointment at my realization of the above development—this guy’s best friend happens to walk up to join his date who was seated at the next table.
This friend was none other than the actor Tobey Maguire. The Spider-Man:
By now I’d lived in LA for the better part of two decades and had had the pleasure of working as an actor and writer with some of my comedy heroes, so this was par for the course at this point. Though it’s always nice to meet a fellow “voodie” AKA vegan foodie.
FUN FACT: Rather than saying I live a ‘plant-based lifestyle,’ I live what I call a ‘consent-based lifestyle.’ This means I don’t eat anyone or put anyone in my mouth without their explicit permission.😉
We all introduced ourselves and Tobey joined his date at the neighboring table while my date continued his sob story. Thank gawd for matcha. 🍵
The two of them finished before we did so we all got up to say goodbye before they headed off. As we were in the midst of farewell pleasantries, I noticed Mr. Maguire’s eye line was rather south of mine.
Now I’ve had sizable mammaries since the 5th grade so I’m used to this sort of thing from time to time (and time again), but just as I caught this detail I remembered:
Oh shoot, I’m wearing my Vesper.
The Vesper is a vibrator necklace that put designer Ti Chang’s pleasure jewelry brand Crave on the map. I am a HUGE fan of her work and her mission, to take pleasure out of the shameful shadows and elevate it to an empowered status symbol, emboldening us all to wear our pleasure on our sleeve. Which is why I am proud to stand with the brand as one of their “Pleasure Ambassadors.”
Curious to try out the Vesper or the Tease Ring, or any of her other wearable and bedside toys? When you purchase using my link you get $15 off your order and a small % goes to support this Substack. Luxury pleasure jewelry in your closet AND supporting your favorite pleasure champion?! That’s a win-win!
JUST as I’m making this realization about my jewelry choices that morning, Tobey oh-so-innocently asks:
“What is that?”
3,000 versions of a response immediately flooded my mind:
Do I tell him what it is?
Do I laugh it off?
Do I ignore the question entirely?
Do I ask him if he still has the suit and if I can come over later?
But his date’s brain worked faster than mine because she quickly remarked:
“Isn’t that a vibrator?”
I was stuck between a cock and a hard place. My date was in a really raw emotional state and I didn’t want to completely derail our conversation.
But she got me. There was no turning back now.
I had no choice.
“Yes. Yes it is,” I said.
I took the Vesper in my nervous fingers, still on its delicate chain around my neck, and extended it out to their curious hands.
Tobey held it, so lightly, as I pushed the button to turn it on.
“Wow! That’s powerful!” he remarked.
Now as quick and timely as my wit normally is, I am a writer of comedic musings after all, you must take into holistic account my state of mind in this very moment:
I have a bleeding heart date,
I’m meeting the actor who played my favorite childhood superhero who literally influenced how I live my life to this day, and…
He’s holding my vibrator.
So I wish that I could say that this perfect response came out 5 seconds earlier than it did, but as I quipped something useless about it only being the first setting, and they walked away, I thought…
“With great power comes great responsibility.”
And that lost comedic opportunity will haunt me for the rest of my life.
💗 Please consider RESTACKING if you enjoyed this post💗
Take a peek inside my Crave closet:
My first ever purchase from Crave was The Vesper original in Silver, though now I wish I also had The Vesper Mini in Rose Gold or Black as well. A girl can dream.
Then I gifted myself The Tease Ring in 24k Gold and I of course now want to upgrade my pleasure necklace game and get The Vesper 2 in 24k Gold to match.
And last but definitely not least I am bound to (with? by?) the ID Cuffs in Beige & Gold.
If you want to be twins and adorn yourself with the same — or different — pleasure jewelry as me, or enjoy any of Ti’s beautiful bedside toys, don’t forget to use my code PASSPORT to get free shipping and a % of your purchase will support this Substack.
What do you think about my engraved customization above? I am a fancyfnck.
Thank you for being here.
By being here you are coming back home to yourself in your relation-trips and stepping into a space that celebrates your curiosity. You are also supporting a sex-positive business in a world that is not designed for sex-positivity. Your support every single month is literally changing the world.
I will see you next week with more of what you need to have the best version of your love, sex, and relationships.
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