I asked ChatGPT to design my perfect relationship.

From one AI to another.

What happens when an ICF Certified Relationship Coach-candidate has crippling insomnia? She asks ChatGPT to design her perfect relationship to see how it holds up against the relationship design framework she created, The Limitless Love Formula.

True story. Not based on one, just straight up verbatim truth. Enjoy!

Photo by Jay Wennington on Unsplash

2am. Monday.

My eyelids aren’t talking to each other so let’s hit them with a little blue light.

My initial prompt:

Below is what ChatGPT requested from me along with my answers.

You know I loved #2 being so early in the process!

To provide the best recommendation, I need to understand more about your goals, values, preferences, and lifestyle. Here are some key questions:

Personal Values & Preferences

1. What does a successful romantic relationship mean to you personally? Emotional and sexual connection, consistency in word and action, sexual exploration and freedom, emotional support and loyalty, honesty, shared goals, autonomy and mutual support, sustainable growth-oriented partnership

2. What role does exclusivity play in your view of relationships? (Do you value monogamy, non-monogamy, or something else?) I have a higher need for emotional exclusivity and a lower need for sexual exclusivity.

3. How important is sexual compatibility, and do you see that evolving over time? Sexual compatibility, evolution, and exploration is of a very high importance to me. I experience a high level of compersion for those I care about and want to be able to explore the extent of what’s possible there.

Lifestyle Considerations

4. How much time and energy are you willing to invest in a romantic relationship? I love the idea of living with someone, traveling with them, being in business together. I am willing and desire to put in the consistent effort required to make longterm relationships work, but I don't want unnecessary drama or emotional immaturity to waste our time or energy.

5. What are your current priorities in life? Career, finances, personal growth, travel, health and wellness, community.

6. Do you have a preferred balance between independence and interdependence in relationships? I value both interdependence and autonomy, being able to be a safe harbor for each other, but with rich lives outside of our relationship that add value and inspiration to our experiences.

Past Experiences

7. What have you learned from your past relationships about what works and what doesn’t? Controlling behavior does not build trust or safety. Relationships must be a safe container in which all topics can be brought forward without shame or judgement and addressed with curiosity. The ability to manage and be responsible for our own emotional state and be adept at self-regulating before asking someone else to co-regulate. Consistency and stability are just as important as excitement and novelty. I crave security and surprise. A healthy relationship with money and the ability to talk about it, keeping a clean and tidy home, and taking care of our minds and bodies.

8. Are there specific deal-breakers or non-negotiables you’ve encountered before? No smokers, I can’t have a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t respect my choice to live a vegan lifestyle and who doesn’t understand or value what that means to me. We must have shared values — health, wealth, generosity, kindness, growth mindset, adventure, curiosity — and I must be free to live and love non-monogamously according to my relationship orientation.

Emotional and Mental Health

9. How do you handle conflict in relationships? Taking whatever time and space we need to each get to a non-emotionally reactive space so that we can have a clear-headed discussion to get to a resolution, understand what happened and learn from it so we don’t repeat the same pattern again. I look for where I can claim responsibility and am open to constructive and loving feedback. Patience and calmness from my partner, especially in the heat of it, is a quality that I deeply value and appreciate.

10. What kind of emotional support do you give and expect? I can be a listening ear to vent with or I can offer active advice, and will ask which they are in need of at any given time. I do my best to attune to my partner(s)’ emotional state without being responsible for it and I appreciate the same. I like problem solving once I’m in a less emotionally-activated state.

Vision for the Future

11. Do you envision having children, or is that not a priority? Not interested in having my own children, but don’t mind if someone already has them as long as I’m not expected to be a parent.

12. What kind of lifestyle (location, social circles, routines) do you want to build with a partner? I want ease with time and finances and the ability to travel extensively both for work and pleasure. I value community and so want a rich and eclectic social circle that stretches across industries and includes thought leaders and invitations to interesting cultural, sensual, artistic events. Health and fitness — of mind, body, and spirit — are part of our daily routine and we encourage each other in these areas. We live mainly in warm climates and have the time and freedom to pursue hobbies and life goals while being able to show up for our friends and family. We provide a meeting place for great minds and like hearts regularly host gatherings and salons at our homes.

Current Context

13. Are you currently in a relationship, or are you exploring options? I currently have an anchor partner who is like a romantic friend who I play with in group environments, a friendship that has recently turned into an enriching lovership, and a new international lover that is just opening up now. I am dating and am most interested in finding a primary partner that I can eventually nest and travel with. I am open to more than one simultaneous life partner.

14. Do you already have an idea of the type of relationship structure you want to pursue? I have enjoyed a poly triad/throuple dynamic just as much as a one-to-one dyad. I know I don’t want to / can’t be monogamous and have enjoyed being open in both triad and dyad dynamics. I really enjoyed having a triad and dyad dynamic simultaneously. I am finding myself currently more hetero- to heteroflexible romantically and bisexual, and polyamorous and polysexual.

Once I have this information, I’ll give you a personalized recommendation for the relationship structure that aligns with health, happiness, and longevity. Take your time answering!

Based on the answers I gave above, what do you think my Ideal Relationship Structure is? Read on to see if it matches up with what ChatGPT officially recommended as my perfect relationship…

Or skip to PART 2:

ChatGPT tried to take over my relationship!