💬 Ask Ally: Where do you find a third that's not creeped out by a 'cheater'?

A weekly inclusive relationship advice column from Ally Iseman.

Welcome to the inclusive relationship advice column Ask Ally, where I answer all of your burning questions about consensual non-monogamy, communication skills, and all things relationship design!! These are real questions from real readers like YOU.

This is part relationship advice, part sharing my own journey as a woman dating non-monogamously. Think Carrie Bradshaw but without the Aiden vs. Mr. Big showdown, because I can be with both of them thanks to expansive relationship dynamics!

Leave a comment or shoot me a DM with your general questions or if you’re seeking advice regarding your own relationship. I’ll select from those to answer and share anonymously for the benefit of all.

This week’s reader asks:

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Being a subject matter expert for The New York Times, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good and more might mean my advice is worth something.

Read my answer to this reader below and apply my advice to your own experiences.

Top 3 tips? Where do you find a third that's not creeped out by a 'cheater'?

First and foremost, let’s be clear that consensual non-monogamy is not the same as cheating. The consent is the key. Consensual or ethical non-monogamy is when you have multiple sexual and/or emotional relationships with different people simultaneously with the full, informed consent of everyone involved. Cheating involved lies and deceit. Not the same thing.

Tip One | Apps

Once everyone is on the same page and you have clear Relationship Agreements, there are some great social, dating, and event apps for meeting other people in the sex-positive, Lifestyle space who share your same interests and mindset. Again, these are people who are in consensual agreements and are only looking for that with others. These are not communities in which to find people to have affairs with, that is different and not what I do and not what these options are for. But which apps?…

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