💬 Ask Ally: I'm getting pushback from friends and family. Any advice for handling haters who love you?

An inclusive relationship advice column from Ally Iseman.

Welcome to the inclusive relationship advice column Ask Ally, where I answer all of your burning questions about consensual non-monogamy, communication skills, and all things relationship design!! These are real questions from real readers like YOU.

This is part relationship advice, part sharing my own journey as a woman dating non-monogamously. Think Carrie Bradshaw but without the Aiden vs. Mr. Big showdown, because I can be with both of them thanks to expansive relationship dynamics!

Shoot me a DM with your questions or if you’re seeking advice about your own relationship. I’ll select from those and answer anonymously for the benefit of all.

This week’s reader asks:

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I’m getting pushback from friends and family. Any advice for handling haters who love you?

Getting the right support is KEY when making any kind of life change.

Would you take swimming lessons from your aquaphobic brother or have a lifeguard perform your oral surgery?

I’m going to assume here that you’re speaking about opening up your relationship and/or sharing more about your explorations into the sex-positive Lifestyle.

Lifestyle is a term used to describe the sex-positive space from play parties to consensual non-monogamy, polyamory to kink and BDSM.

First and foremost, give your friends and family the benefit of the doubt — which it seems like you are doing — and assume they want what’s best for you: your happiness, health, and wellbeing.

Now reflect on how they might define those things.

Are they considering the quality of a relationship, communication, etc. or merely taking labels at face value? Meaning, do they value a happy, healthy, respectful relationship with mutually-agreed upon safer sex practices regardless of labels or do they value the label or structure (monogamous, polyamorous, open, etc.) more than the quality of the relationship itself?

Don’t take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from. Said another way, why take life advice from someone with whom you wouldn’t trade lives? (you can swap life for relationship in this context)

I just shared an applicable post that touches on how to navigate well-meaning friends and family who end up causing stress in an already stressful holiday season:

Creating the right boundaries — you are the one who gets to decide what and how much you tell them — and finding the right personal or professional support when you’re transitioning your relationship to a new lifestyle is important. But how?…

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